A day in the life of a shrub

A guest blog from my dear friend, Lisa...

I have had an epiphany…. it’s going to blow your mind …. take a seat and strap yourselves in cuz this one’s a doozy.

So I’ve been dating a lovely young fellow for the past 3 months and it is all going swimmingly. But around this time of the, shall we say, “interaction”, your couple friends start to ask the age old question ….

“Have you had the chat yet? Is it official?”

And my answer is “Well of course bloody not, I don’t want a man sized hole in my door ! I’d like to keep him around for a little longer thanks !”

And that’s when they give me the “look”. Part sympathy, part “the wheel is turning but the hamsters dead,” sort of look like I AM A NUTTER.

Listen folks…. I get it…. in the perfect world when men didn’t have access to Tinder and its never ending supply of slaggy mac slaggisons it would be a good time to sit someone down who you like and talk about your feelings… or some shit like that.

But in the REAL WORLD … where I currently reside … it is not so simple…. and here comes my epiphany.

I just had yet another similar discussion with my couple friend and she asked me the question why? Why do you think that way? Why can’t you just be honest with the person you’re with? I don’t understand.

And I gave her this little juicy morsel….

Because men… are like a delicate little flower. And these flowers… need water to survive… but if you give them too much water …they will drown. Instead, they need to be nurtured… bit by bit, day by day… little by little.. and given just enough for them to grow big and strong – until they’re the size of a bloody willow and they didn’t actually notice you’ve given them more and more water until they’re drinking down a trough – but by then its too late and they can’t live without it.

And my friend was like…… ‘ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I get it now’

So you see kids?! Us women need to be subtle creatures of the night … slowly but surely luring our men into a false sense of security before they relinquish their freedom. It’s a sad state of events but in the new world of easily accessible punani, one must do what one must to survive in this cruel world.

I miss the good old days where men were more like cactus’s …. just grateful to have water within a 100 m radius of them. … but alas… those golden years are gone.

And although it sounds a bit mad… we woman must dance our little ninja water dance until our selected flower is big and strong….. but until that day… my single ladies .. I suggest you buy a good set of pruners and some sturdy gardening gloves, as you’ll be at it for a while.

xxx Lisa

lisa-blog

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